Reprint: I Know how to Defeat Terrorism

Here is a timely reprint of a satirical parody piece from Update #21 of DailySkew, written by Damian Hospital. Enjoy:

Ex-Terrorist: I Know how to Defeat Terrorism
By Rami al Hassan
October 30, 2004
As I spend the rest of my natural life in Guantanamo Bay, I am haunted by
those innocent people that I have killed. The pain of their families and
friends permeates throughout my body. Allah will take no pity on my wretched
soul, and that is justified. I will spend the rest of my years on Earth
being imprisoned and locked away with no rights; and then I shall be
punished for eternity in blistering hells. I will experience every
imaginable form of torture and agony. One only needs to read the Q’uran for
detailed descriptions of my necessary everlasting suffering. The “general
emir” Mohammad Atta believed he was headed to Paradise to be greeted by
virgins and experience Allah’s love and beauty for all time. He was wrong.
As I was wrong to believe The Director, who twisted The Prophet’s words to
advance an evil agenda and reign of terror and destruction that I became
part of.
I was recruited in Afghanistan a few years ago. I was young and angry at
the “imperialistic West”, and easily manipulated by The Director’s words. It
was my ignorance which led to my damnation. Only now after the blood has
been spilt do I see the mistakes I made and the torment that I caused
others. Unfortunately, it is now too late.
I only have a bit of information that could help innocents in this war on
terrorism, a war that cannot be won by force. Although I cannot be atoned
for my sins, it is my hope that I could contribute to the saving of lives by
getting this message out.
The spread of terror can only be spread through the media. We terrorists
rely on the media to spread our vicious acts. The media is being used as a
mouthpiece for these criminals. Our immoral agenda and propaganda are spread
like fire around the world. The sad truth is when the Aljazeera TV station
of Qatar publicizes the latest diatribe from The Director, displays
videotapes of hostages being beheaded, and shows- in effect- promotional
videos of extremist groups- we, the terrorists, have already won.
I realize that in a free society the public has a right to know, and it is
the media’s responsibility to provide information. But this is a new world
we live in, and new measures must be taken to help end this insanity. Using
a metaphor- not to be taken literally- a terrorist is like a disobedient
child demanding attention and throwing a temper tantrum -they must be
ignored for them to stop. We terrorists want an audience and enjoy
instilling fear into the populace. And by broadcasting or publishing our
threats, the media is contributing to the terror. Take away that tool from
us. Do not publicize our horrific exploits or demands. Shut down the
Middle-Eastern pro-terror news stations, newspapers, and websites. Silence
our evil.
Another step is to wage a war on terror in cyberspace. Get the best
programmers and hackers to trace the websites and e-mail addresses of those
who spread the fear and lies. There is no reason- in this era of
technological achievement- that when a terrorist website uploads and
displays citizens being held hostage with their captors ranting and
delivering threats that we cannot trace the source. The United States needs
to work with local legitimate intelligence networks in the Middle-Eastern
countries to find hostages and their kidnappers. IP addressees, phone
numbers, and “anonymous” e-mail accounts need to be traced to the source.
Australian police arrested a man using a dial-up modem with a firewall to
download music from a file-sharing network, yet the United States and Middle
Eastern governments can’t find out who is e-mailing and posting threats and
video to websites.
Governments must offer more and higher rewards, and guarantee protection to
the information providers. Who is dropping off the propaganda tapes at the
stations and newspapers? Surely someone would rat them out for 5 million
dollars and a witness protection program in America.
The United States and England must recruit and place more Arab spies in
terror networks and think-tanks. The US relies too much on local authorities
in the Middle East to gather intelligence and to do legwork. The US needs to
be on the inside instead of treating the terror networks as a distant enemy.
There are many pure Islamic men and women who would gladly aid the West with
infiltration.
And what of the mythical American satellites that can take up-close
pictures of any place in the entire world? You would think no stone would be
left unturned and every cave in Afghanistan and Pakistan would be monitored.
You would think all of the training camps would have been wiped out by now.
You would think that although the US has the technology to see the surface
of asteroid billions of miles away that they could track down all terror
cells and their leaders.
Thanks to the media bowing to our terrorist demands, Western citizens live
in fear every day. They believe that a terrorist attack can happen any
where, any time. They think there is giant conspiracy and hundreds of plots
and plans are being drawn up all around the world. As someone who was on the
inside, I can tell you that is a myth. Although the threat of a major attack
is real, it is not as severe as the media and terrorists would have you
believe. It takes months and years to draw up plans. It takes a patient and
loyal core group of terrorist to investigate and gather information a very
long time to even get an opportunity. Most plans get scraped. Other plans become
ruined when there is a change of schedule or security in the target. Luck
and chance play more of role than you would think. The current US government
also plays a role similar to the media’s. The administration has elevated us
terrorists to a plateau of fear never achieved by others. The government has
spent over 200 billion dollars and lost over 1,000 lives to unseat Saddam
Hussein, who was not an imminent threat to you. The administration wants you
to believe that we can plant a nuclear device in a suitcase and blow up New
York- because it furthers the administration’s politics and hidden agendas.
No terror cell has those capabilities. Your government has blown this out of
proportion to manipulate you. Do not get me wrong we obviously exist and
murder, but you are not in danger every waking moment in your life. The odds
that you would be a victim of a terrorist attack are beyond miniscule. Do
not live in fear because of our threats. Our words are our true weapons.
Silence us and you have crippled us. I hope you realize I am not downplaying
the horror we commit, I am simply showing you how the media and government
perpetuate our violent boasts.
How ironic is it that my threats of death and destruction received front
page news and were the first story on the evening news, yet now that I speak
the truth to help humanity my words will most likely fall upon deaf ears?